make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
