I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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