it's too hot outside to masturbate.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
