Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
