You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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