I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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