fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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