I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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