Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
