i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
