There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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