You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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