The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
