I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
