Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
this must be what syphilis tastes like
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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