i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
