I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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