So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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