Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize