Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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