your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
she looked like the before picture.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
