legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
