Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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