none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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