oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
