I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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