I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
