The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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