Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
