I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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