u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
