I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
