Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
