I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
