one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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