yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think a kid would responsible me up
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
