talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
