what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
