so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
