Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
