Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
