Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
