so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
