Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
