I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just had sex on a roof
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
