i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
