Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
