remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize