...so i touched it.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
