Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
