i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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