Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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