there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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