you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
