And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
