why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
