I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She bit a glass in half.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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