He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Boobs are out for the taking
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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