Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
