So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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