First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
