so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
