Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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