To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
