I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Girls should come with a carfax report
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
When did angry sex become our thing?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
