Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i believe in u and ur pee
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