I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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