How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
