I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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