So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
