so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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