Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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