I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
