If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you traded sex for a burrito?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
