I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
