I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
