I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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