are you still at the devil's house?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
