wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
