Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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