I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Randomize
