12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
