i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
