I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
