i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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