is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
