im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
