Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
