Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
