my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
