Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
