If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
