I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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