please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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