I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
