sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
