The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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