My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
