I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
