some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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